


How Sara got Banned From a Mall and Stuck to a Pole in Just 4 Hours

by karadanverz



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Ava looks sexy in an elf costume just sayin, F/F, i know it's not xmas but fuck it, mentioned Homophobia, sara needs to think like ffs, some language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 15:09:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13367310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karadanverz/pseuds/karadanverz
Summary: It's Christmastime and the Legends (and Ava) end up in the 1940's trying to help the JSA.Sara and Ava are working with one another undercover and end up in less than ideal holiday situations that involve a soccer mom, an elf costume, and a flagpole.





	How Sara got Banned From a Mall and Stuck to a Pole in Just 4 Hours

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I finally got around to writing something! I'm aware that it's January, but this ended up being Christmas related (oops.)
> 
> Feel free to check out my other fics. Also, you guys can say hi to me on tumblr @sanvers-deserved-better
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. Hearing what y'all have to say fuels me :)
> 
> Enjoy!

"Can you tell me again why I'm here?" Ava asked, trudging through the snow.

"Well," explained Sara "There was an anachronism here in 1940 and it resulted in the JSA breaking up, so my team and I need to get the band back together, if you will."

Ava looked at Sara and raised an eyebrow, unsatisfied with the captain's explanation "That still doesn't explain why I'm here." 

Sara smirked at the taller woman "You're here because you picked the wrong time to come and lecture me about my leadership skills, and ended up joining us."

"And what does us going undercover as employees at a department store have to do with any of this?" Ava asked

"Well, I wouldn't call it a department store. It's really more of a mall." Sara mused.

Ava gave the shorter woman an annoyed look.

Sara sighed "Well, conveniently, the entire JSA happens to be in this mall, so our job is to stay on the first floor as employees at Lord and Taylor so that we can step in if my team screws up and we end up having to fight and/or erase people's memories."

Ava scoffed "If your team screws up? More like when your team screws up. Also, don't you find it weird that they all happen to be in the same place? Sometimes I feel like we're all on some superhero show."

Sara opened the door to the department store "I'm going to choose to ignore that, mostly because this whole mission will be a hell of a lot more bearable if we're not arguing."  
_______________________

"Why do I have to be the elf?" Ava asked, looking at herself in the mirror of the employee changing room.

"Because" replied Sara "It's the 1940's and the people of this time probably won't be super chill with a female Santa."

Ava glared at the shorter woman "You know that's not what I meant. I don't see why you can't be the elf and I can be the generic employee. Besides, I'm too tall to be an elf."

Sara tilted her head. "The costume won't fit me, I'm too short, and it's not like we can get another one because that would require me knocking out two more employees."

Ava blinked "I thought you found these in a storage room!" 

Sara waved off the agent's comment "It doesn't matter how I got them. You know, you actually look kinda hot as an elf."

Ava blushed. She relished Sara referring to her as 'hot' but she also knew this wasn't the time or place for her to be having these types of thoughts.

"Whatever, let's just go and do this." Said Ava, eager to change the subject.  
__________________________

It only took two hours for Ava and Sara to get themselves banned from Lord and Taylor, but it didn't matter because by then, the anachronism was fixed and the Legends were   
back on the Waverider.

"Can somebody tell me how the two of you managed to get yourselves banned from a department store?" Asked Zari over the comm.

"Well," Started Sara "Let me start by saying I like children, but when I have to deal with over 100 tired and whining 2-6 year olds over the course of two hours, they become a lot less cute and a lot more infuriating."

"I got peed on. Twice. And those little shits weren't even sitting on me so I don't even know how that could have been a possibility." Added Ava.

Sara continued "So then, this white soccer mom who I assure was named Susan or something comes up to the front of the line where we are and I over hear her yelling at her kid, though it's not like it was hard to overhear her because she was practically yelling."

"Yeah." said Zari "continue." 

Sara could hear a crunching noise coming from her comm. She assumed Zari had grabbed a bag of chips while Sara was telling the story.

Ava continued the story from her comm "So, Susan is standing with her two kids, both boys. One looked about 12 and the other one looked about 4. The 12 year old starts talking about this boy at school that he thought was cute, and so the mom starts ranting about how 'boys liking boys is unnatural' and 'it isn't what God intended' and I was getting pretty fed up with her at this point, but I let it go because the 1940's were a different time."

Sara picked up where the agent had left off in the story "So Susan finishes her whole rant about the Bible and whatnot, and the FOUR YEAR OLD says 'well maybe God changed his mind' and Susan lost. her. shit." the assassin paused for dramatic affect "So then, this poor 12 year old is standing here, clearly embarrassed, soccer mom Susan over here is going on this whole rant about what's 'biologically correct' and nobody else around them is paying any attention to what's going on."

"This doesn't explain how you got kicked out." Said another voice.

Sara figured Amaya had joined Zari in listening to this story.

"I'm getting there." Said Ava. "So, I see this all going on and I walk over to this family and I say 'listen, there is nothing wrong with two people loving each other, so you can take your homophobic views and drown them in your Starbucks cup.' Now, Starbucks isn't a thing yet, so she didn't know what the fuck I was talking about, bust she seemed to get the   
message, and she starts yelling at me about how the gays are fictional or whatever instead of her son."

Sara continued the story, returning to her point of view. "So I'm seeing and hearing this from 10 feet away and I'm about to start something when my 'boss' comes up to me and tells me to stop whatever's going on and fire Ava because apparently he thought I was an assistant manager or something. So I go over to Ava who's still in this whole argument and rather than firing her, I kiss her." 

Sara could hear somebody choking on water through the comm, but she elected to ignore it.

Eager to change the subject yet again, Ava continues "You should have seen the look on Susan's face. I wish I had taken a photo. I have never seen somebody look so scandalized in my entire life, and that's saying something because I've watched Time Bureau agent's read your team's file."

That statement earned a playful glare from Sara.

Sara regained control of the storytelling "Okay, so Susan recovers from her moment of heterosexual panic and starts screaming for a manager, as well as backing away from us and taking her kids, you know, as if we're contagious. So anyway, my so-called 'boss' shows up, the one who told me to fire Ava, and he starts screaming at us. Basically, he 'fired'   
us and told us that we were no longer welcome at this Lord and Taylor, so keep that in mind the next time we have to travel back to the 1940's."

The other end of the line was silent for minute until Amaya finally said something.

"Well, at least you didn't punch anyone this time."

Sara chuckled as she thought back on some of her previous adventures. 

Ava, however, gave the captain a questioning look.

"So are you two a thing now? or..." Asked Zari.

Now it was Ava's turn to choke on the water she was drinking from a plastic bottle.

The two women exclaimed a series of proclamations, most of them being along the lines of "No! Ew! Why? and What?!"

"If you say so." Said Zari.

Sara shook her head, she couldn't see Zari, but she could picture the 'Do they seriously expect me to believe that' look that she was most certainly flashing Amaya.

It was quiet again until Amaya spoke up "How far are you guys from the ship? We can send Nate to pick you guys up."

"We're fine." Said Sara "We're only a few blocks away, we'll survive." and with that, she turned off her comm and continued to walk through the snow.

Ava and Sara walked in silence for a while, but it wasn't the tense, painful kind of silence. It was more like the peaceful and comfortable silence that occurs after Thanksgiving dinner when the excitement has died down and everyone's about ready for bed. 

Sara looked past the falling snowflakes and saw a small school playground to the right of the sidewalk in the direction they were walking.

A look came across the shorter woman's face. A look that meant Sara had an idea. A look that meant Sara was about to do something that was a little less than thought through. A   
look that unfortunately, Ava knew way too well.

Sara ran ahead to the playground, leaving Ava in the dust, or in this case, snow.

"Where are you going, what are you doing, and is it a bad idea?" Ava called out.

"Think of this as an experiment." reasoned the blonde.

Sara ran further and Ava was unable to see her, so the agent sighed and jogged to the playground Sara had ran to.

Ava had finally caught up to the assassin and when she saw what Sara had done, she bent over laughing.

Sara had managed to get her tongue stuck to a flagpole.

Ava was still laughing, so Sara turned her head as far as she could so that she was facing the taller woman and glared at her.

Ava managed to pull herself together. "How did you do this?" 

Sara tried to speak "Ou oh ow I id it, ah-hole."

"Seriously? Of all of your teammates, would expect Zari to be the one in this situation, maybe Nate, but you? Captain Sara Lance? A member of the League of Assassins standing here with her tongue stuck to a pole? I never imagined that I would be seeing this, and yet, here we are."

Sara glared at the taller woman again. This time, Sara flipped her off, but it was no use. Ava had gone into lecture mode. Or was the agent flirting with her? Sara wondered which   
of the two this was, but when Ava continued, Sara deducted that it was the former.

"Everyone knows that if you stick your tongue to a flagpole in temperatures under 25 degrees, it'll get stuck. I can't believe you licked the pole. You've seen 'A Christmas Story'   
Right? Tell me you've seen 'A Christmas Story' because if not, you have bigger problems than the fact that you're currently stuck to a pole."

Sara glared at Ava again. The captain opened her mouth, as if she were going to say something, but instead used her hands to say "Help" in sign language.

Ava smiled and decided that she had tortured the shorter woman long enough. She turned on her comm that was connected to the Waverider.

"Are you guys alright? What's up?" Asked Amaya

"Your captain licked a pole and now she's stuck. We need hot water or something." Stated the agent.

Ava could hear laughing and Zari falling out of a chair from the other end of a line.

Amaya took a deep breath to get herself together. "I'll send Zari and Nate out to help. Where are you guys?"

"Only about a block away. Were in a schoolyard." Replied Ava "See you soon."

Ava turned off her comm again and turned to face Sara. 

"Help is on the way."

"Ank ou." mumbled Sara.

Within minutes, Zari and Nate arrived with canteens full of hot water.

The two legends looked like they were about to burst out laughing at the sight of their captain fused to a metal flagpole, but when Sara glared at them, their smirks disappeared.  
_______________________

4 minutes, 3 death glares, and two canteens full of hot water later, Sara's tongue was removed from the pole, and she was able to speak again.

"If any of you say a word about this to anyone, you'll be sorry." said Sara, though she knew her threat would be useless in this situation because this was too good of a story not to tell.

Nate looked over to the pole that Sara had been stuck to moments before.

"You know, I always thought about what it would be like if I stuck my tongue to one of those." He wondered aloud.

"Don't you fucking dare." Ava and Sara scolded in unison.

The two women realized that they had spoken together, and exchanged a surprised glance.

Zari turned to Nate and nudged him in the shoulder.

"Are they married or what?"


End file.
